


Longing

by dreamerhennessy



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Canon Compliant, Fluff, Gen, Look We All Know We Needed Cas In The Finale, M/M, Post-Canon, Post-Canon Fix-It, Post-Season/Series Finale, Series Finale
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-20
Updated: 2020-11-20
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:27:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27642754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamerhennessy/pseuds/dreamerhennessy
Summary: There was something else there too. Something that hurt. Something that Dean had felt before in his life, but always pushed down. There had never been time for it, but now he had nothing but time.Longing.Longing for what? For purpose, now that he was at peace? Longing for contentment?Longing for Castiel?aka Dean will wait forever if it means getting to be with the people he loves
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 8
Kudos: 86





	Longing

**Author's Note:**

> Don't read if you don't want series finale spoilers! Just a little canon fix it :)

Heaven. At last, heaven. 

_ “At least I made it into heaven,”  _ Dean thought, a small smile on his face. He was in heaven, he was with Bobby. His parents were right down the road. Things were right, finally right. All that was missing was Sammy, but he’d wait forever if it meant Sam finally got his chance at a real life, a normal life. 

The life he had been chasing since they were kids. 

“Jack did all this?” he commented when he heard what Bobby said, amazed but not surprised. Jack was so powerful, he could do anything he set his mind to. 

“Well Jack and Cas,” Bobby said pointedly as he looked to Dean over his beer. 

Cas? Cas was here? He felt a pang in his chest at the thought, he thought he’d be happy hearing that Castiel was out of the empty. And he was. But there was something else there too. Something that  _ hurt _ . Something that Dean had felt before in his life, but always pushed down. There had never been time for it, but now he had nothing but time. 

_ Longing.  _

Longing for what? For purpose, now that he was at peace? Longing for contentment?

Longing for Castiel?

He remembered what it felt like, watching Cas die that last time, when he died for real. The pain he felt. The emptiness. The longing, buried deep down where he couldn’t get to it again. He had sobbed so hard for so long, he had replayed that conversation in his mind a hundred thousand times. 

Castiel said he loved him. He told him how he felt so he could feel true happiness and sacrifice himself. That’s what happens when someone is a Winchester, biological or honorary. You sacrifice yourself for the people you love. And Castiel  _ loved  _ him. 

Not just in a brotherly way, but romantic love. A being that probably should’ve never felt love, wasn’t built for love, had fallen in love with him. 

Broken, hardened, used up, low down him. 

And he never got the chance to say it back. 

He was in shock at first, emotions always come to him either in a flood or delayed, and either way it takes him time to process them. John Winchester never really thought it was important to teach his sons how to properly deal with their feelings. Part of him held back, that if he did Cas wouldn’t die.

But he still died, and Dean was left behind to pick up the pieces of his broken heart. The shards of his complicated emotions left behind. 

And he realized, one day in bed after Castiel died, that he truly loved him too. 

He loved him and there was nothing he could do - Cas was  _ gone _ . And he wasn’t coming back. So Dean was left behind on Earth, wondering what could’ve been. What would’ve happened if they hadn’t been so stubborn, so emotionally unaware. Dean was never built for normal relationships, things long term. The life he lived never led well to that. 

But maybe things could’ve been different with Cas. 

Castiel. Angel of the Lord. The one that gripped him tight and raised him from Perdition. The one he shared a profound bond with. 

The one he had prayed to every night. Even after every time he died. He just wanted him to hear him, he just wanted him there. 

He wanted to have what he tried to have with Lisa, with Castiel. 

“I’m going to go on a drive.”

He ran his hand along Baby, smiling softly to himself.  _ “She has her original plates,” _ he thought before he climbed in. This was his first love, this beauty and the road. And he had that for the rest of eternity. At least he’d have that to do while he waited on Sam. He’d be pissed if Sam came too early, if Sam didn’t get the long life he deserved. 

But he didn’t focus on that, he just focused on the road. 

The music blasting around him, just singing and driving. The car felt a little too empty, but it’s nothing he couldn’t handle. He dealt with it when Sam left to go to college, he dealt with it every time Sam left or died. He dealt with it every time Cas left or died. He had been alone before, at least now he knew it wasn’t permanent. 

He got to the bridge and he felt a sense of familiarity, a tug on his heart in the best and worst ways. He parked and he waited, exhaling for what felt like the first time in his life. He was in paradise, he was at rest. He had never really felt like that before, like he genuinely could turn everything off and rest. As much as he wanted to when he was alive, there was always something looming in the background, a past trauma or the idea that there’s always monsters to fight.

But there was no fights in heaven, only peace.

He felt him appear and he felt a smile tug at the edges of his lips. Bobby was right, time does work differently there. “Hey Sammy.”

He turned and hugged his brother, feeling every piece of grief and sadness and longing leaving Sam that he had to have built up over what was hopefully a lifetime. “You’ll have to tell me everything,” he said as he pulled away with a pat to Sam’s arm. 

“I will,” Sam promised. “But I think there’s something else you need to deal with first.”

“What are you talking about?” Dean asked with a furrowed brow.

“Hello Dean,” he heard come from behind him, and Dean’s heart stopped. That voice will always shake him to his core, the voice he never thought he’d ever hear again.

“Cas.”

Dean turned and immediately pulled him into a hug, part of him almost didn’t believe it was true. He knew Jack had freed Castiel, but he still didn’t think he’d come to find him. 

“Cas… about that last time,” Dean started and Castiel shook his head, looking up at him with a fond look. But there was something behind it, something  _ sad _ .

Longing.

“We don’t have to talk about it, Dean,” Castiel assured. “I understand you don’t feel the same way. I just needed to get it off my chest. I hope you still want to be my friend though, my… brother,” he said carefully.

Dean had so many thoughts in that moment, of telling Castiel how wrong he was. Of telling him how much he loved him, and how he had always been way more than that. But all of that flew out the window and Dean leaned in and pressed his lips to Castiel’s. 

And in that moment, everything felt  _ right. _

He kissed him for what felt like a second and an eternity all at once, and he knew right away that he could spend all of time kissing Cas and it’d never get old.

“I love you too. And I want to spend eternity with you.”

“Well, good thing we have all of eternity,” Castiel said back, his hand resting on Dean’s cheek. ”Are you sure? I’d understand if you’d want to wait for Lisa or… anyone.”

“It’s you, Cas. It’s always been you.”

**Author's Note:**

> it's been a hot minute since i wrote anything for spn (and the first time on this account hfudihfusdi) so hi ! i just wanted some dean addressing his feelings, like he should.


End file.
